Ohmigoditssocoldithinkimightactuallydie

Men have still not realized that letting women do so much of the work for so little reward makes a man in the house an expensive luxury rather than a necessity. ~Germaine Greer

Today's temperature in Calgary, -31 degrees. With wind chill, feels like -43 degrees.

-43. That's so cold it no longer matters if it's Fahrenheit or Centigrade.

-43. That's so cold my eyelashes froze to my glasses at the bus stop.

-43. That's so cold my lungs HURT when I breathe.

-43. That's so cold the car won't start because the oil has frozen.

The pupils return to school tomorrow for semester 2, so I'm exactly halfway through the teaching part of my year. Better go and get ready...

Suspense is worse than disappointment. Robert Burns

(tonight being Burn's night)

A rather random collection of thoughts and events today.


I had a longer drive to Starbucks than I had anticipated just now. Having left the car lights on this morning the battery was too run down and weak to start the V6 beast under the hood/bonnet of our dilapidated Dodge Caravan. The advantage of being at a Senior High is that they teach 'shop' here (car mechanics) so I was able to borrow a jump box and start it up, but I needed to run it for 20 minutes or so to get the charge up. I also needed a run to Starbucks to jump start my brain as three hours supervising our immaculately well behaved grade 12s doing their English diploma had left me dazed and dopey. Driving back there was a slight breeze blowing along Northmount Drive knocking marshmallows and feathers of snow off the trees to drift eerily by under a clear blue sky. A tiny moment of joy in a year that has abounded with them.

Sitting here with my Starbucks cup I am reminded of an incident in Vegas (of which much is yet to be written, I know. Bear with me). Early one morning Vic and I were in a queue at the tour company we were going to the Grand Canyon with. The family behind us were clearly, like me, of the fraternity of caffeine fans/addicts. They had been to Starbucks that A.M. and noticed as they were stood behind us the spot of wit and wisdom printed on the side of their cups; Starbucks contribution to enlightenment "The Way I See It." This particular item said something like "if you disagree with someone, try shutting up. You can often learn something by listening." This seemed to be something of an epiphany to the lady who exclaimed at length and volume what a startling lesson it was, and I was gobsmacked. Surely nobody in their Fifties should be seeking their life lessons from a paper cup, although I was not surprised after 5 minutes queuing in front of her that the twin concepts of quietness and reflective listening were new to her. I proceeded to spend the next few minutes in a cycle of hoping we were not going to be sat by her on the coach or in the helicopter down into the canyon followed by guilt for judging my fellow man and for my ego in feeling myself superior to anyone else. I guess I still have some way to go in the humble stakes, not corners I look forward to getting rubbed off by the Big Man Upstairs.

Anyway, moving on, try this if you can. It's a BBC psychological test to see if you can tell if smiles are real or fakes. I got 16 right. I found it on someone else's blog (http://sscalia.blogspot.com/)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/smiles/index.shtml

Yesterday's news in Calgary was dominated by Lulu Lemon Athletica, a gym and yoga fashion company very much in vogue with twenty- and thirty-something women. It really is nice stuff, but this blew me away. They took over the Stampede Hall for a giant warehouse sale for a day and let the word just slip out through stores and face book. They spend not one cent on advertising, but everyone I spoke to knew about it. Word of mouth took it from pillar to post. Victoria went down with Carmen only to find about 2000 people in a 5 hour queue to get in. All this on a day well below freezing. People had taken days off work. The streets around were gridlocked as gym-bunnies from all over Calgary flocked in to this rarest of events. Vicky and Carmen soon gave up and moved on but many stayed and queued.

And finally, I spent too much of last night in front of the TV. One of the shows was "Are you smarter than a Fifth Grader?" on which adults compete with fifth graders (8 or 9 years old I think) to answer questions from the elementary school curriculum for large cash prizes. The format is a lot like who wants to be a millionaire but with allegedly easier questions. It was amazing how poorly people did, especially the guest 'class' of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders who got most things wrong. I finished up getting about half of the questions wrong myself, but I think mostly because I'm English. I simply never learned that much about the geography of the United States and I have never used Fahrenheit in my life. Still, no excuses; as the contestants are forced to admit on camera before leaving, I am NOT smarter than an American 5th grader. For your interest here are the questions, please post answers as comments.


1 How many states above tropic of cancer?

A 52 B 50 C 49 D 48

2 Zero degrees centigrade is how many degrees Fahrenheit?

A zero B 28 C32 D 37

3 What is 7 x 13 (no calculators now!)

4 What is the singular of the word 'lice'

Exam weeks

Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... That's what gets you. ~Jeremy Clarkson

It's been exam time at school these past two weeks. An odd time, as there are no lessons and a school without children is rather like a car in a garage. You can get a lot of jobs done you've been meaning to get around to but it isn't really what it's for. Still, we're all beavering away on bits of paperwork and catching up in minutiae and trivia of varying import, and mostly recuperating from a long term and getting ready for the next session. All downhill from here, I'm told, with many more breaks than last semester. I can't quite believe we're halfway through; my how time flies when you're having fun. That looks set to continue with more skiing trips booked for the next few weekends to Castle Mountain, Revelstoke and Sunshine. Somewhere in there is also Superbowl Sunday, a great North American institution I am looking forward to spending at Roger's house (a colleague in the math dept). It's a very social game to watch as it takes a few hours, more than long enough for a couple of beers, and the frequent stops leave plenty of time for conversation. In my case the frequent stops allow plenty of time for someone to explain to the Englishman what the bloody hell is going on. I'm getting much more gridiron-savvy but I've still got a way to go with some of the rules. We'll be rooting for the New York Giants who seem to be the underdogs against the might of the New England Patriots.

We were at church last night for the Beta course, a kind of follow up course from the Alpha course which you may have heard of. It struck me that I rarely mention my Christianity on the blog and I'm not sure why, so I resolved to do so occasionally. We didn't do the Alpha course here, we were just helping with the catering but Vic and I did it together back at St Georges in Leeds a few years ago. I had only recently come back to my faith so it was a really useful time to meet some people at church and try to get my head around exactly what I believed. Vicky was and remains rather skeptical about God but came then as she does now with an open mind to ask the questions she still can't find answers to in the hope that whatever all we Christians are making a fuss about will suddenly become clear. She's waiting for God to switch her on and I'm not sure why he hasn't yet, but I persevere in faith hoping that he will. He's pretty good at guiding other parts of my life so I can only assume he's managing Vicky according to his own agenda.

Fernie, and Rob gets on his high-horse reviewing restaurants.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. ~ Douglas Adams

Last weekend saw us at yet another new ski resort, Fernie in BC, about 3 or 4 hours drive South of Calgary. It was steep and beautiful, the snow was soft and both Vic and I had a great time on the slopes. Once again we availed ourselves of the services of the mountain hosts. These are often retirees earning themselves a free lift-pass by taking groups out and touring them around the mountain twice a day. They sign up for 18 days over the course of a season. What a brilliant idea! We get to ski with a group of new friends, see bits of the mountain off the beaten track we might not otherwise try and I personally find that I have a lot more confidence to push myself knowing that I have an experienced leader to get me out of trouble and not wanting to hold people back makes me strive to keep up. I was carving turns on blue and black runs all weekend, and trying to find my way in the powder too, although this mostly lead to a couple of giant wipe-outs. I also saw what the locals term a 'garage-sale;" a wipe-out so complete that all of one's equipment is laid out for onlookers to peruse and collect. A ski to the left, a helmet to the right, here a pole, there a pole etc.

Off the snow we ate very well. Should you ever find yourself in Fernie I have two recommendations for you. For regular Canadian gourmet cuisine try the Cedar Tree restaurant. Fabulous service, an interesting menu cooked to perfection and a reasonably priced selection of local wine and beer all in a modern and cosy atmosphere. We were wowed by the place and look forward to going back. Of particular delight to us other than the delicious food and English waitress was their flexibility, which made a pleasant change. I fancied the chicken from the special three course menu but they were all out, so they put together something similar for me at the same bargainous price of $19, even accommodating my gastronomic peculiarities (feta and tomato salad hold the tomato, if you will!). Last time we were in a restaurant and asked for a change of ingredients it was a different story. Over Christmas we went for a curry at the Moti Mahal (17 ave and 14 st SW for Calgarians). We had been ever so excited as we love a curry and are still trying to find a great one in Calgary. The menu looked interesting and although it was a bit more expensive than we're used to for a curry we were looking forward to a great night out. Everything was proceeding according to expectations until we ordered. I fancied the look of the chicken Jalfrezie, but I do love a mushroom and I try to get a bit of paneer in whenever I can (paneer is a type of Indian cottage cheese) so I asked the waitress if I could add them to my curry. I didn't anticipate a problem as several other dishes on the menu contained both ingredients. Turns out chef won't do it. Chef knows best. These dishes are how they are and there are no substitutions, so no, I couldn't have and mushrooms or paneer in my chicken Jalfrezi. I was a little put out and thought that chef was possibly labouring under the delusion that he was further up the Michelin rankings than was actually the case, but I was prepared to extend him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was some kind of spicy savant with an unerring eye for the perfect concoction. I awaited his creation with baited breath. I could always have a mushroom omelette tomorrow. It arrived looking 'gourmet,' and indeed it was. 'Gourmet' in pretentious inverted commas, not actually gourmet and good tasting. The chicken was certainly tender but cut in two or three giant cubes, as were the peppers and onions which were also woefully undercooked. None of the sweated down loveliness diced onions take on in the gravy of most curries. The place was busy and it gets good reviews; I can only assume most of the patrons have never been to Bradford, home in exile of the humble curry. Suffice it to say we left disappointed and are unlikely to go back or recommend it to anyone else.

Still, while I am on about curries, let me heartily recommend The Curry Bowl in Fernie, where we were met at the door by a friendly expat. The Bristolian maitre-d showed us upstairs to a little waiting nook as it would be about half an hour until he could squeeze us into his packed restaurant. A great sign. We crowded in while he served a selection of wines and beers from around the world. Over a can of Old Speckled Hen we met some of the other patrons waiting for seats and the atmosphere was very relaxed. It was more like being in someone's lounge meeting strangers at a party than anything else. Our host regaled us with banter and trivia and a gay old time was had by all present, and all this before we'd even seen a menu. When we finally sat down the food as good as the atmosphere had lead us to hope it would be. When we go back to Fernie (to stay for free with a mountain host) we will have a devil of a time trying to choose between two fabulous restaurants both rating a well deserved 10 out of 10.

Anyway, enough for today. I'm off to watch the end of Miss Congeniality (feel entirely free to judge me; I would!) with a slice of birthday cake (thanks mum, thanks Vic). Tomorrow, fingers crossed, I'll cover the rigours of exam week, Las Vegas and solicit advice on the next novel. Look after yourselves,

R

Happy Birthday to me...

Today's quotes come from those auspicious persons who share my particular nativity, and with subjects close to my heart...



On talking...

The finest eloquence is that which gets things done; the worst is that which delays them. ~ David Lloyd George

On booze...

We hear of the conversion of water into wine at the marriage in Cana as of a miracle. But this conversion is, through the goodness of God, made every day before our eyes. Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards; there it enters the roots of the vines, to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy. ~ Benjamin Franklin

On writing...

All true histories contain instruction; though, in some, the treasure may be hard to find, and when found, so trivial in quantity, that the dry, shrivelled kernel scarcely compensates for the trouble of cracking the nut. Whether this be the case with my history or not, I am hardly competent to judge. I sometimes think it might prove useful to some, and entertaining to others; but the world may judge for itself. Shielded by my own obscurity, and by the lapse of years, and a few fictitious names, I do not fear to venture; and will candidly lay before the public what I would not disclose to the most intimate friend. ~ Anne Brontë

On the force...

The Force is strong with this one. James Earl Jones (as Darth Vader)

On God...

Everyone has the same God; only people differ. Anton Chekhov.

Others sharing our birthday are:

Muhammad Ali

Kid Rock

Jim Carey

Al Capone

Vidal Sassoon

Eartha Kitt

Susanna Hoffs

Andy Kaufmann

Nevil Shute

Rock Hudson

Aga Khan

Paul Young

Steve Earl

Stanislaw II August Poniatowski, last king of Poland (1764-95)

With a list of luminaries like this I had better get on with accomplishing something. I'm doing alright in many respects and so far at the age of 32 I couldn't be happier with my marriage, my faith, my career and myself in general, but I don't think anyone will be putting my name on their birthday list in another 50 years. Is that something worth striving for? Not sure.

This is my first birthday blog. I wonder if there will be another. Will I keep this up once I'm back in sunny Leeds? Who knows.

Today started well. Coffee and breakfast in bed provided by my beautiful wife, some presents and cards, birthday cake from mom miraculously sent across the pond, a phone call and happy-birthday sung to me from my mother-in-law and a fresh sprinkling of snow to make the world seem clean and new just for me. It being exam week I was in no hurry to get to school so I turned up here at 9.00 am to get a few more jobs done in an empty classroom listening to Billy Joel while my cherubs are all at home revising hard. The math dept and I are going out for brunch imminently where I will gorge myself on Eggs Benedict (wonder if the new pope like his eggs like this?). This afternoon we have an exam to administer then it's home through the snow and we're going out for prime Alberta AAA beef in the form of a New York cut steak at the Cactus Club with Manhattans (ideal accompaniment to a NY steak, no?) and friends. Overall I anticipate the whole day being just grand. Hopefully we'll top it of this weekend with a skiing trip to Fernie and we'll be rushing through powdery snow up to our armpits. Hurrah.

Last night saw us trying another new adventure in Calgary. I went along with Vic and her girl guides to the Calgary Inter-faith Food Bank. Here families can come and get a hamper that will last them about a week if they are down on their luck. They can only come up to 3 times a year, so it's real emergency relief for the people stuck at the bottom of the pile in this city of a million affluent people. We had a lot of fun doing it. assembling the crates of food and it took me back to the many dull hours I spent in warehouses in university holidays. The same thing that used to bore me is kind of fun when you're doing it because you choose to and for a couple of hours, not all day all week. We'll go back, and I encourage other Calgarians to give it a go.

I know I still need to blog about Vegas, and I will, but I feel those eggs a-calling.

Ciao for now,

Roberto.

There and back again.

Writing, is not necessarily something to be ashamed of — but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.

You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.

Robert A Heinlein, Author

(I've been reading a lot of Heinlein lately, so he's on my mind)

So we're back from Vegas and it's Wednesday of my first week at school in 2008. In some ways a very different start to 2007, but very similar in many respects. I am already exhausted and most of the day it feels like I never left, but from time to time I remember the things I have seen and done and I smile. We've been far too busy for me to catch you all up in one blog so I'll spread it out. Also, this week is marking hell so it might have to wait till next week but I'll try and fill you all before my birthday on Thursday next week.

Forgoing the holiday entirely, let's begin with last night and our first hockey game. As I have mentioned Victoria is volunteering as a leader with the local girl guides, the pathfinders. She is out with them now making plans for their winter camping trip next month. Tents in the snow? Silly idea if you ask me but then again these girls have to live in this ridiculous climate, I suppose it'll do them good to get toughened up a bit. Anyway, being a member of the girl guides Vicky gets complementary tickets to the women's under-18 ice hockey world cup (they just call it hockey over here, no need to specify). We saw one of the opening games, the hosts vs Germany.

It was a hell of a game, fast paced and high scoring with Canada emerging victorious, the final score being 10-1. I was amazed how quickly those girls moved around and not surprised that they substituted most or all of the team every minute or two in a rolling programme off the bench. Those girls were doing the equivalent of sprinting on ice so they get tired pretty quickly. That's why hockey teams are so very big. 17 people to put 5 players and a goalie on the ice. And those goalies! I know they're wearing a lot of padding, but those girls proved me wrong because I always thought it must take balls to put yourself in front of a puck flying at 100mph. Anywhere else they'd call that a missile.

At some point I'm going to need someone to explain when charging into someone on a pair of knives and hitting them with a stick is allowed and when the rules preclude it. I could not work out why players were sent to the sin bin sometimes and not others. Still, they did prove that it's perfectly possible to play an hour of hockey (in 3 periods of 20 minutes) without squaring off at centre ice for fistycuffs like the boys do.

To cap it all I had beer and popcorn while the team I was cheering won. How could a night be any better!

We did chuckle on the way out. We picked up the team sheet with all the players stats on it, and I think it's a little unkind to print the height and weight of a bunch of 17 year olds. I'm sure their self-confidence is fairly high what with making the national team, but it can't be nice to have your size details out there for all the world to see.

So the holiday part one:

We started at Panorama, a 4 hour drive down on the Saturday took us to our room about 10 meters from the chair lift. We drove through the snow, optimistic of skiing conditions on the mountain. En-route we stopped at Radium hot springs where we floated around in super hot water while moonlit snow fell out of the chilly night sky past the steep sandstone cliffs. A truly beautiful sight and one you should all experience sometime. There were hot springs (possibly not natural) at Panorama too. An excellent place to soak aching muscles after a day on the piste, getting ready for a night on the ...

Panorama was also home to the only really pubby feeling pub we've encountered in the West of Canada. The Jackpine was a down to earth little establishment run by a local volunteer fireman. Around the world one thing I have found to be true is that good landlords run good pubs, and Bruce was definitely a good 'un. You could sit at the bar, pay for your drinks as you went and anyone looking to have a peaceful beer or a boisterous few was made personally welcome. Darts and pool topped it off nicely, along with a reasonable ale.

Two paragraphs and no word about the skiing! Well, it snowed a lot, which is good. The mountain was big so we found a wide variety of pistes to entertain us, but best of all were the mountain friends. These guys volunteer to take groups out and show them around the mountain in return for a free skipass. Going with experienced locals gave us the confidence to push ourselves and the group structure meant that Vic and I could ski together or apart as we saw fit. Vic is way more confident and as yet more skilled on her board than I am on my skis, so we could both push ourselves with groups at the right level, or she could slum, it with me and take it easy. She did a bit of both, sometime carving fresh tracks through virgin powder off the summit of the mountain, looking like people in those extreme snowboard videos weaving through trees and up to her armpits in snow, sometimes with me on the blue and black runs I was gaining confidence and skill on. I was lucky enough that one member of my group was Keith, an ex-army ski instructor who gave me so many tips you can only call it a free lesson; thanks Keith, it definitely did the trick. He helped me really carve my turns and find a way to make the skis bite on ice.

Christmas eve saw us open presents after a nice turkey dinner. Many thanks for my outstanding fashionista scarf, Mum, thanks for the pigs Dad and a good set of handy nick-nacks from Jim n Eve; bookmark put to immediate use. I toasted all of your health with a dram of 12-year old Bowmore my gorgeous wife bought me. I had already opened my 'truck-nuts' from Carmen before we left; a giant pair of plastic testicles you can hang off the back of your truck. Not having a truck I don't know where to put mine at the mo. Currently they function as a ridiculous pull on the blinds in the kitchen.

We both enjoyed our time there apart from the loud noise from the bar keeping us awake at 2pm on two of the nights, the king size bed which was really two singles pushed together with a consequent gap down the middle and the fobbing off we got from guest services when we complained about these things. It was a great mountain to ski, but try not to stay at the budget end if you want a comfortable stay. I'm not sure we'll be going back.

Anyway, we drove our weary way home after 3 days hard skiing on Christmas Day, where it was nice to feel at home again. We had a few days lounging around, I had a snowboard lesson (and I think I've cracked it but for a little practice) and we went to the cinema a few times to see Charlie Wilson's War (9 out of 10), PS I Love you (8 out of ten, but it did even get me a bit weepy and Vic cried throughout) and Sweeney Todd (another 8, this one not V's cup of tea so I went with Carmen).

It was nice to take a little time to relax, ready for the next vacation onslaught.

The rest will have to come later...